i'm always on the lookout for a doppelganger for myself, never having been able to find one. was listening to meryl streep on fresh air, and she was saying how she was never "cute" when she was young, so making the transition from hot cute young actress to ... well, older, actress, was a little easier for her.
obv, she is/was beautiful.
but i get what she means, because i don't think i ever have been cute either.
so i got to thinking about what actresses fell into this category-attractive/womanly/not "cute" and Anjelica Huston came to mind. this photo almost perfectly represents my hair when it is driving me crazy.
anjelica huston is gorge, but you can see how she probably wasn't the cute blonde popular girl in 3rd grade.
maybe she was, who knows.
not sure where i was going with this.
ok, so i don't look anything like anjelica huston, but i just found it all sort of comforting. cuz i feel so much pressure to avoid age, to prevent it from happening. god, what an awful thing to have to worry about-something that is inevitable and you have absolutely no control over.

good night :)

on fear

i don't think of myself as a generally fearful person.
but sometimes, i surprise myself.

you'd think, after whining about various miseries that it would not be so hard to do some relatively painless things, requiring mere points and clicks, that might have a shot of improving my life, but when it comes down to the wire, to the moment where i hit "send"-i'm frozen.

thoughts creep in about ways my life might actually get worse if i try to make changes. "you thought it was bad now, you ungrateful thing-just imagine if XYZ happened! you'd be sorry then!!!"

and so on.

this is when i often reach for a cookie.

but today, i took a deep breath, and stuffed lots of positive things in my head and pushed the big scary things out. i hope i can keep it up.

the deep freeze that's taken over the state in the past day or so has inspired something in me that is desperate to find something that will light a fire within me.
style-wise, of course :)

after months and months (years?) of just not feeling excited about trends or fashion at all, something that I used to enjoy a lot, I'm sssttttaaaaarrrrting to come around. some random thoughts:

-shoes make a difference. outfits that could veer toward frumpy are made newly kicky with little cute ankle boots, for instance.
-i am poor. getting a couple pieces to update my wardrobe sets me back. a lot. i feel like i need to start saving for autumn clothes now.
-winter is a hard time to dress oneself anyhow. it's hard to feel cute when you're all layered and lumpy and there's no sun and your hair is static-y, and your nose is red and sniffly.
-i dumped my entire closet and drawers out onto my bed and i actually don't have that much stuff. so maybe it's ok if i indulge whenever the mood does eventually strike.

I found some inspiration on some norwegian and french blogs. they seem to be really into pared down, uniform-style dressing, which i am in to. i don't want to have to think so hard, i just want everything to work and make me feel good.

in semi-related news, bloomingdales at MOA is closing, and rumor has it that topshop or zara will be moving in, to which I say, it won't happen soon enough. Minneapolis has just totally dismal options for shopping-there's mall/chain store bullshit with wonky poorly sewn hems, or there's glitzy boutiques with labels catering to cougars. or there's the stuff that caters to the crafty girls who ride bikes and wear knit hats they made. a mid-price euro clothier is just what the market (ie ME) needs!!!

at home today, trying to be productive. i had a small moment after breakfast where I panicked and wondered if i should be going to work, but then i decided to take the time to get some things done that i had been putting off so i could feel like i'm making some kind of progress/effort in my life.

it's actually really nice when the sun is streaming in, the cat is napping, and everything is quiet. i can concentrate better without being distracted by email and phone calls. i think this is the problem i have at work-the constant bombardment of emails flashing at me with people who want things from me RIGHT NOW and having to be always sidetracked and coerced into figuring out these little dramas on the sides that take away from doing anything at all.

(i do realize that writing this little post is not being productive, but i'm taking a break, OK??!?)

anyway, the point i was getting around to making is that i think if for some reason i had to work from home, that i would mostly enjoy it. when i actually have things to occupy me, it's not so bad being here all day alone.

scent in the mail

well, it's the dead of winter, the time when i traditionally turn to the niche (is that the word i'm looking for?) world of perfume to entertain me and bring a little life into the grey, cold, lifeless world outside.
I ordered myself a little package of samples to amuse myself, and the first one I was excited to try was Guerlain's Mitsouko. This is the one ALL the blogs rave about, the "desert island" scent, the Mona Lisa, created in 1919 and *still* in production. If something as subject to trends and whims as perfume is, the fact that it can still be found at your local department store (well, Saks or Neiman Marcus anyhow), 100 years later, is saying something.

But I just. don't. get it.

I'm sorry, it smells like potpourri...spicy, dry, and very very old fashioned. I'm not against "classic" but dusty and old...not so much. I feel like it's sacrilege to say I don't like it, so I'll say that my nose is not trained enough right now to appreciate it. I am disappointed. I read all about these dazzling peach notes and I don't get them at all. I was expecting the Holy Grail.

I'll keep trying.

funny lines from perfume reviews

"It makes me feel like I've been casted in some artsy film role as a nude model covered in honey." mmmkay. and it's "cast" not "casted."

"The woman who wears this promises a lot." - huh? what does that mean?

"it started nice and 'orange-y' then after about an hour it was too heavy and musky. The orange smell was gone and the odor left behind was something like a hot, sweaty ox. Not for me" i wonder who sweaty ox is for, if not for you, dear reviewer.

"Hmm. Soft, powdery florals and the slightly sweaty inside of a man's thigh, near his unmentionables. Not horrible; actually, it's pretty sexy. I'd be afraid to wear it in public, though, hehehe. " hehe.

On opposing views of the same scent:
"Haunting as the wind from an angel's wings. When I smell this it is like gazing at the Sphinx---mysterious,holy,awesome and unknown."
"this smells like a musty, moldy old Moroccan tent that hasn't been aired out in ages"

and lastly, a this-has-to-be-fake review:

1st time i checked this out was at barneys and i fuggin loved it . i couldnt stop smellin it and kept tellin all me friends bout it . honestly and this mite sound strange but it kinda reminds me of the skunkor action figure from heman like back in tha 80s . skunkor was a skunk and his figures special ability was it "smelled" tho it didnt smell bad like a skunk , it smelled sorta like this . dark , cold, rich but not in a chocolaty or sugary way , musky . this shet will linger on ur skin for 2 days even after shower and will stay on ur clothes for over a week . ive decided i dont like this enough to buy it cos its very strong and the drydown is too musky and old but debonair men

Rating:

dirtyboy -fry cook at mickyd's from chicago

i'm not an overachiever

i just keep thinking of things i want to improve.

New year's resolutions for 2012

heart/soul:

build better relationships. Send birthday cards by mail, and see a friend at least once a month.

Travel somewhere out of minnesota at least once this year.

health/body:

go to yoga

start running again in the spring.

Drink tea every day

eat more fruit/veggies (as in, daily)

head/mind:

read a damn book already

read new yorker once a week

financial:

finish paying off credit card, then devote 10% of income to savings

save 3 month's worth of income ($5400) - this will prob. not happen in 2012 but once can dream.

hearth:

get a rug to make living room cozier

get longer curtains for bedroom

entertain more